The rain is drying up, this cloud over me is clearing,
I didn’t think this could happen, My pain is rapidly healing.
Day one was horrible, day two the hardest,
Three was mediocre and felt like the longest.
As more time goes by I realize I was blind
To the hurt that he caused and the tears in my eyes
Those have dried up and no longer exist
I’m going to be okay, I really got this!
As I walk down this road, along the path that I found,
I see the sunrise, so I mustn’t turn around.

SLBA

Aug 15th 2022

Netflix’s The Sandman IS a MUST WATCH Friends!

I think I’m going to start talking about shows that I watch. So, for anyone that reads my crap, lol, I will definitely put spoilers in the heading. I don’t want to ruin it for you all!

Okay now The Sandman, it’s definitely slow for most of the season. But trust me it ends up being so DAMN GOOD!

I would say this show is more for people that are fans of, Supernatural, Lucifer, Stranger Things and Evil.

I’m already waiting for season 2!

Goodnight all ❤️

I’d love to know what show you may recommend!

Lord help me, are you ready for this post? If not, too late 😜

Unfortunately my depression has been very yo-yo like. Growing up in Northeast Ohio, you always knew that winter was winter, spring was spring and so on. But with global warming it has caused the weather in Ohio to be so damn bipolar you never know what you’re going to get.

We literally will have days where it’s almost 80° in April. Definitely not normal for Northeast ohio, much appreciated until it drops back down to the 30s.

It’s like drinking a few energy drinks, you know what I mean. You get that extreme boost of speed, and you’re literally going manic crazy like you’re on sugar crack 🤣. And then, you get that crash, I don’t wanna do nothing, I don’t care if I wash my ass, I don’t care if the dishes are piling up, fuck the trash and you all are eating lunch meat for the next three days.

Let’s just be real about it, if you suffer from extreme depression you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know the IDGAF let me sleep don’t talk to me don’t bother me mania one sentence attitude!

So many people will admit that they have depression, even celebrities. The one thing that they do not tell you is the truth. Let’s be honest, not many of us regular people talk about the “TRUTHS”? People are far too scared of being judged. Well I’m at the point in my life where I say…FUCK IT. Let me put the truth out there for all of us!

Yep, don’t wash my hair for a month or more, half the time I don’t give a shit if I brush my teeth, don’t know how I still have these pearly whites, haven’t seen the dentist since I was 19. All I wanna do is lay down, close my eyes and never open them. I wanna lay here forever…like for months. But I can’t, because I have others that rely on me.

I shower when I can drag my nasty ass to the bathroom, because why the hell else should I? Unless I’m going somewhere super important or having sex. 😜 This is why Us people, the depressed, invest in many baby wipes. We can clean our itty bitties. BAHAHA

And speaking of hanky panky, sex is definitely not on the top of the list when you suffer from depression. Especially if you’ve been cheated on and abused. That’s a whole other topic I definitely want to get into.

Listen, this is the truth, when your fight severe depression, postpartum included, the kids don’t get a bath every fucking day. And in the winter they don’t even get a bath (when small, because as they grow they can do it themselves) every fuckin week. Now what?

YES, You make sure they’re taken care of, and do what you gotta do as far as feeding them, getting them to school etc. You definitely do the things that are necessities and so on. But you know what, you’re miserable, you don’t wanna move to even wash your own ass. Why does it matter anyways? IF THE CHILD is happy, not abused, LOVED, fed, and the child doesn’t look like he or she rolled out of a greasy dumpster…WHO CARES?!

If the child wakes up every day laughing, when they open their eyes the world is completely beautiful and exciting. They smile, despite how miserable you feel, they laugh, despite how much of a failure you feel like, IF THE Child IS GLOWING BECAUSE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, does the rest really matter?

Listen, DEPRESSION FUCKIN sucks! Even if you look a 🔥 mess, you don’t feel like washing your ass, give 2 fucks if your hair is stuck to your head or YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW MANY DAYS YOU WORE THE SAME CLOTHES. (Listen half the time we’re not even wearing underwear okay 🤣 WHY BOTHER) However long you’re battling this Bitch and what round you’re on, I GOT YOU! ❤️

Shannon Anderson

For some odd reason I seem to do all my thinking at night. I wake up after a couple hours of sleep, only to have the brain wheels spinning. This was my mind last night.

Growing up  my mother made a point to pound it in our heads that crying is for babies, for weak individuals. She would make you feel like you were not allowed to feel anything.  If you cried you were made fun of, you were belittled. The funny thing is she always showed two emotions, jealousy and anger.

The truth is, at age 15 my mother would make me strut around or sit by her coworkers husbands. She wanted to irritate their wives. (She later would do something the same with my little sister, have her bend over in the front yard half ass out, moon the neighbors to piss them off) She used her own child’s body and looks to anger grown women. I felt so uncomfortable and I didn’t want these women mad at me. But, If I didn’t do it I would have to deal with her anger. I really didn’t want that either. So, it was the least of two evils I guess you’d say.

As instructed, I would stand up and walk around so they would look at me. She would laugh and say, “she’s so jealous if anyone walks by him or he looks at anyone. That’s what she gets for being a bitch.” or “She thinks she’s really something she’s not”.

She used me to intimidate, cause jealousy and emotionally harm others. As a mother I can’t imagine putting my daughter’s in a position like that.  I could NEVER be that kind of person.

There is nothing wrong with emotions, as long as it’s not used to hurt someone. If that emotion causes you to make bad choices, then maybe you need to seek professional help.

Have a great Tuesday ❤️

Shannon

“People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for far to long .”

There are days when you are lonely. There are days when you are strong.
There are days when you are sad, and days when you were wrong.
The strong days you feel empowered, like nothing stands in your way.
The days that you feel weak, they send you hiding far away.
Don’t hide from your feelings, for these are really true,
Embrace that power even empty, it’s something you should do.
Keep fighting to exist, for your soul was meant to be.
And when you take control, you will finally feel free.

Shannon Lynn Barker Anderson

March 17 2022

Excited to share the latest addition to my #etsy shop: White Sage Spray Made with Aug Moon water #adhdmanifestation https://etsy.me/39ohBMh

It is what it is. I have been so worried about proper grammar, punctuation, transition, words, etc. That it has sucked the fun right out of writing for me.

So, I decided no more. There are so many times when I just want to talk, to say how I’m feeling, be my goofy self or complain a little bit about something. But then to turn around and have to spend hours making sure everything’s so proper, it’s draining and it’s just not who I am. Lol

It really does take the fun out of it for me. And this was supposed to be a place where I could just express myself any which way I want. If I don’t feel like being proper and I just want to be cray cray and off the wall, that’s what I want to do. If I have something serious to talk about and I feel like being grammarly correct etc. Well then that’s what I want to do. And see I don’t even know if grammarly is a word and that’s just me. I really don’t care, because now it’s my word. 🤣

And now my daughter tells me that it’s actually a place that you can check your grammar BAHAHA!

Anyways, I’m really hoping that someone enjoys what I am about to do. This literally is not going to be one place or another, it’s not just going to be for depression, I’m not just going to talk about abuse. I’m literally going to be myself, I’m going to let my ADHD take people where it takes me and if you like the ride come back!

Much ❤️

Shannon

I mean there are times when I’m proper, or if I’m telling a specific story where I want it to be serious. But most of the time I just want to be able to be myself.