For some odd reason I seem to do all my thinking at night. I wake up after a couple hours of sleep, only to have the brain wheels spinning. This was my mind last night.
Growing up my mother made a point to pound it in our heads that crying is for babies, for weak individuals. She would make you feel like you were not allowed to feel anything. If you cried you were made fun of, you were belittled. The funny thing is she always showed two emotions, jealousy and anger.
The truth is, at age 15 my mother would make me strut around or sit by her coworkers husbands. She wanted to irritate their wives. (She later would do something the same with my little sister, have her bend over in the front yard half ass out, moon the neighbors to piss them off) She used her own child’s body and looks to anger grown women. I felt so uncomfortable and I didn’t want these women mad at me. But, If I didn’t do it I would have to deal with her anger. I really didn’t want that either. So, it was the least of two evils I guess you’d say.
As instructed, I would stand up and walk around so they would look at me. She would laugh and say, “she’s so jealous if anyone walks by him or he looks at anyone. That’s what she gets for being a bitch.” or “She thinks she’s really something she’s not”.
She used me to intimidate, cause jealousy and emotionally harm others. As a mother I can’t imagine putting my daughter’s in a position like that. I could NEVER be that kind of person.
There is nothing wrong with emotions, as long as it’s not used to hurt someone. If that emotion causes you to make bad choices, then maybe you need to seek professional help.
Have a great Tuesday ❤️
Shannon
“People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for far to long .”
She's Built From Fire 